


Ocean of Fiction Blue

by orphan_account



Series: Artists and Moonlight [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Abelism, Alternate Universe- non magic, Artist!Sirius, F/M, Fluff, M/M, Mentions of past abuse, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Pining, PoC, Scars, Slow Burn, Student!Remus, flatsharing, poc characters, university fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-24
Updated: 2015-10-24
Packaged: 2018-04-27 20:29:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,645
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5062978
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Remus Lupin isn't sure what to make of his new flatshare situation.  He's a quiet student with a past, who doesn't date and is determined to keep it that way.  Then he meets his artist flatmate, Sirius Black and his entire world is turned upside down.</p><p>“There are so many different shades of beauty, Remus,” Sirius breathed as he held him close.  “And there’s something bright and magnificent inside you bursting out of your every pore and I just want to find myself cocooned by it.”  He lifted his head for another kiss, and Remus held him tight."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ocean of Fiction Blue

**Author's Note:**

> So feeling kind of blue-ish and I couldn't decide if I wanted to make myself feel better with fluff or angst. I went the fluff route. In this fic, Remus is part Welsh part Israeli but grew up in Israel, James (as my usual) is Indian, and Sirius in this is half-Thai half-English. There is some self-deprecation regarding Remus' scars, so please note that if that triggers you. Nothing overt, but Remus does not feel attractive because of them. Also he has obsessive compulsive disorder (something I have experience with) but it's not written in extreme detail. But be aware of that as well as you read on. 
> 
> I wanted to explain a few quick things-- my father is Israeli, but he moved to France before I was born--also he is Deaf and never verbal so I never learnt Hebrew. (I know English, French, and Sign). So I bothered an aunt of mine over the internet to help me with some of this Hebrew however she's VERY old and I couldn't exactly tell her it was for a gay fanfic, so some of the Hebrew might be more formal or a bit old-- and pronouns incorrect. So if anyone notices it written incorrectly, please let me know. Also I've written them out phonetically.
> 
> As for the Thai, I don't speak Thai so I've combed the internet for websites written by (what I assume--you can really only be SO sure on google) people who are Thai, so hopefully it's correct. And again is also written out phonetically for the story itself. I've provided translations at the bottom notes.
> 
> Anyway I think that about sums it up! I'll be posting a new chapter for my Marauders Era WIP soon (I'm at a very angsty part so it's taking me a while.) As always, visit me at lala-lady-elena if you want to send any fic prompts or requests my way. xx

Sliding into a seat at the busy café, amber eyes scowled out at the rain before turning back to his grinning friend. “Is this mine?” he asked, pointing to a large mug of steaming cappuccino.

“No dairy, just like you like it,” she said, one blue eye dropping into a wink.

Curling his long fingers round the mug, he lifted it and took a long sip, a satisfied sigh easing its way out from between his lips. A finger went up to scratch along the side of his rather large nose, and his lips then curved into a smile. “Alice, you are a real treasure.”

She laughed. “I know. And you’re going to love me even more when I tell you that I did it.”

He raised a dark brow. “Did it?”

“Found you a flat. Non-student housing. Er…sort of.”

Sitting back, Remus reached up and pulled the woollen beanie off his curls and ran his fingers through them. Drops of rain went flying, but he paid them no attention. “Sort of? I realise English is my second language, but…could you clarify?”

“So I have this friend,” she began, and Remus let out a long groan.

“A friend. Alice…”

“No, hear me out,” she begged. “Her name is Lily and she’s a grad student as well, and her boyfriend—well his parents, I think, they own a flat building which they let to students. But you won’t have to move like you would with student housing. Provided you get on with them, you know.”

“She lives there?” Remus asked, and Alice nodded. “And the boyfriend?”

“James, he’s called. Nice bloke, he really is.”

“English?”

“Er, half, I think. But Indian as well, but he went to some posh public school in Scotland.”

Remus lifted a brow. “You went to some posh public school in Scotland,” he countered.

“So?” She flushed a little. “Alright so maybe we all knew each other. James shared a dorm with Frank.”

“Hence how you got this connection.”

Alice rolled her eyes. “Can you please not be so fussy, Re? The flat meets all your requirements. Single bedroom, there’s two showers and two toilets amongst the four—well with you the five—and a decent kitchen. And you won’t have to move,” she emphasised.

“So long as I get on with them,” Remus repeated. “Did you…I mean have you said anything about me?”

“Just the basics,” she said, holding up her hands in surrender. “Nothing untoward.”

“Oh fuck off with your untoward. I’m a decent person.”

She snorted. “Right. And now that your pants are on bloody fire, shall I fetch someone to put them out.”

Remus smirked into his cup. “Well you didn’t tell them I’m…”

“No,” she said in a rush. “I’m not a bitch, Re. You can tell them in your own time. If you like.”

Rubbing his face, Remus sat back. “Fine. Okay so who are the other two?”

“Well, there’s Peter. He’s alright. Bit on the quiet side unless he’s pissed. He’s studying some sort of biology science or something, I dunno. Never really paid much attention. And then there’s Sirius…”

“Sirius? Like the emotion or the star?”

Alice laughed. “Like the star. He’s the one you’ve got to watch out for. He’s…he’s a bit…” She shook her head. 

“If you’re about to say homophobic,” Remus warned.

Alice threw up her hands. “No! No I…”

“Or anti-semitic…”

“Not that either, Christ. You think I’d put you in a flat with a bunch of Hebrew-hating homophobes?”

“For the right price, maybe,” he muttered, but there was no seriousness in his voice.

“He’s just got a rather large personality and I know that can be overwhelming for you. He’s got some weird history. At school he was almost constantly in detention if he wasn’t attached to James’ side. Or giving blow jobs under the stands whilst James was playing rugby.”

Remus snorted his coffee, and coughed painfully. “He what?”

“He was bored, I think. Rough home-life. He went to live with James during lower sixth, got disinherited.”

“Disinherited.”

“Family’s all aristocratic. Disgustingly wealthy. He got cut off, but last I heard some uncle of his died and left him something to live on. Less than he would have got from his parents, but he’s doing alright now. He’s studying…er…” Alice’ brow furrowed. “I want to say art. Or music. Honestly he talks so sodding much it’s hard to sort one thing he says from the other.”

Remus let out a breath and toyed with the rim of his mug. Remus had come from a somewhat complicated life. As a young boy, nearly a toddler, they’d been living in Wales where his mum had grown up. He went hunting with his father, and was attacked by a pack of feral wolves. His arm had nearly been torn off, hanging by a few tendons. The doctors managed to re-attach it, but he was left with only a third of the normal range of motion, and he was covered from neck to hips with vicious scarring. After the attack, Remus’ father insisted they move back to Be’er Sheva where he’d grown up, and his mother had not tried to put up a fight.

The attack and scarring, however, led to social anxiety which had been so severe, no one noticed his secondary symptoms, and he wasn’t diagnosed until he was in his late teens. A teacher had noticed it when he was sixteen, and he was sent to a therapist who eventually told him that his strange habits and ticks were, in fact, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. He managed it, with a few medications and cognitive behavioural therapy, but it wasn’t perfect. And starting his Master’s in a new city all on his own was something that was so far outside Remus’ comfort zone, he very nearly panicked and ran back to his father.

But he was trying to force himself to do this. He was in love with school, in love with his area of study, and he wanted to feel at least a little like he was capable of doing this on his own. So he’d phoned Alice whom he’d met when he came to study for his undergrad, and asked for her help.

And she, it seemed, had not disappointed him.

“Look, James says there’s a party tonight, you know for Fresher’s week.”

“But we’re not…”

“I know, but they…do this. It’ll be at his building. It’s a masquerade type thing. Costumes. Animal themed. We’ll go shopping after this and find you something. You can meet everyone there and sort out a move-in date.”

Remus, who was trodding on the kindness of a friend of his mother, was anxious to be out as quickly as possible. “Fine. I mean…not that I want to go to a party on sodding Fresher’s week…thought I had moved past all that…”

“They have them occasionally,” Alice warned. “But if you move in, your space is your space so you won’t have to participate.”

Remus let out a breath, then nodded. “Alright. Honestly I don’t know of any better options so…I’m in.”

Alice grinned. “Excellent. Now, finish your coffee love, and let’s go shop.”

*** 

It took them nearly three hours to find a suitable costume for Remus who, not a little un-ironically, chose to go as a wolf. They found fuzzy ears and a tail, and then a gaudy masquerade mask which cascaded across his eyes and down one cheek which worked as Remus had a very notable scar there which he hated talking about.

“Alright,” Alice said as she grabbed the items, “I think what you’ve got on will do.” She gave the front of his jumper a pet. “I mean you’re almost always fuzzy enough.”

Remus rolled his eyes, but followed her out onto the street where it had finally stopped raining. “Yes well, lucky me.”

“You can come over to mine and get changed. Frank wanted to see you today anyway.”

“Is he going to this party?”

Alice snorted. “No. And I can only stay an hour. I’ve got a hideously early shift in the morning.”

Remus’ eyes narrowed. “You’re making me do this on my own? You traitor!”

“It’s not my fault,” she defended as she grabbed his sleeve and hauled him onto the bus. “I’ll stay as long as I can. I swear though, you’ll get on with everyone. You will.”

Remus’ eyes narrowed, not sure he should believe her.

When they got to Alice’s, Frank was sitting in the lounge watching something on the telly, and jumped up when he saw Remus. “Oy! Lupin, it’s about time you came by!” He gave Remus a firm clap on the back. “Alright there, mate?”

Remus smiled, feeling a little uncomfortable. “I’m very well, thanks. How have you been?”

Frank motioned for him to sit, so Remus took the chair across from the sofa and wrapped his arms round his middle, the pressure soothing him a bit. “Things are good! Alice is nearly done with her thesis and I’ve been looking at jobs in Kent so we can be closer to her mum.”

Remus’ eyebrows went up. “Kent? That’ll be a bit of a change. What sort of work?”

“He’s a sport journalist,” Alice said, poking her head round from the kitchen. “Dead boring, if you ask me.” She winked. “Tea, loves?”

“That would be a delight,” Frank said.

“Thank you, but I’m fine,” Remus said in reply, and was grateful when Alice didn’t argue. It was hard to find friends who were understanding of his condition, of the reasons why he was perfectly fine accepting a cappuccino at a café, but had to decline the tea from someone’s kitchen. But Alice had always been a good sort, and he knew that she would never steer him in the wrong direction. If Alice thought this flatshare was a good idea, he’d stay open to it.

*** 

Remus stayed on for dinner, pleased when they ordered curry from a take-away that he recognised. They ate and Frank chatted to him a bit about his job, then gave him some info about James, Sirius, and Peter.

“Marauders, the professors used to call them,” Frank said, leaning back with the neck of a beer bottle pinched between his fingers. “They were always getting in trouble. We had this house points system, you see. At the end of the year, the house with the most points won this…well house cup.” Frank laughed. “Sounds a bit ridiculous now that I think about it. But those three…those sodding three. Well mostly it was down to James and Sirius, really. Peter always had a knack of worming his way out of detentions and losing points. By upper sixth though, they’d calmed down a bit. Well, James had, at any rate. Sirius has always been…”

“Energetic,” Alice offered.

Frank snorted. “Something like that.” He gave Remus an appraising look. “Not sure how he’ll react to you, but luckily he’s been busy lately.”

Remus felt his cheeks go pink. “Why does that sound dreadful?”

“Oh it’s…it’s not…he’s not bad,” Alice hurried. “He just takes getting used to.”

Remus ran his hands down his face. “Fine. I mean it’s fine, really. I just got hired at a bookshop right now which will be taking up most of my free hours so it’s not like I’ll have time to sit round and be…energised by him.”

Frank snorted into his beer and cleared his throat. “Yes well, I just want to say that I think it’s a good move. And honestly James is a really good sort. Dead loyal. To a fault, at times. And Sirius, once he gets to know you…really it’s hard to find better mates.”

Remus licked his lips, then let out a breath. “Well fair enough. Alice, should we be getting sorted for this party?”

Alice jumped up. “Right-o. Yes. I’m going to nip into my costume. Not bothering with make-up since I’ll hardly be there but yes. Come on, Re, you can help me and then we’ll get you sorted.”

Remus gave Frank a small grin. “Thanks for dinner, mate. It was good to see you.”

Frank rose and clapped Remus on the back. “They’ll take good care of you. And if they don’t, you let me know. I sorted them out a few times in school, happy to do it again.”

*** 

“I feel ridiculous,” Remus said, itching under the mask where it rested against his cheek. They were on the bus dressed in costume—Alice as some sort of tropical bird—and people were _staring_.

“Oh who cares,” Alice said, nudging him. “You look actually really nice. You might even be able to pull someone at this party.”

“If it’s a fresher party, no thank you,” Remus said, shaking his head. “I remember perfectly well what it was like to be young and…emotionally confused.”

“Oh don’t be such a nance. There will be plenty of people there not in their teens. James invites everyone to these.”

“Oh. Good,” Remus breathed, thinking of the potential size of the crowd.

He said very little as they got to their stop, and Alice dragged him from the bus and up several blocks until they got to the entrance to the building. There was someone outside checking names and costumes, and Alice chirped hers.

“Alice Longbottom…”

“And Frank?” he said with a quirked eyebrow.

“No. My other date. Remus Lupin.”

After a second, he nodded. “Right-o, go on up. James said he’s on the ground floor in the xbox room.”

Alice led Remus inside, past an expansive kitchen and lounge, and after a bit, they were pushing through a door into a semi-crowded room which was much larger than Remus expected it to be. There were two sofas, a few armchairs, and a standing bar covered in liquor bottles under a window. By a large, mounted telly were two men, one about as tall as Remus was wearing a black, glittery mask and massive felt antlers on his head. He had dark skin, and a mop of hair so messy Remus had to wonder if he’d done it that way on purpose. 

The other, for just a second, made Remus lose his breath. He wasn’t wearing a mask, and he had high cheekbones, pale skin, narrow, grey eyes, and hair that looked like it should have been a crime it was so good looking. He was smiling, wolf-sharp with slightly pointed eye-teeth, and he had what looked like floppy dog ears perched on his head.

When the man with antlers saw Alice, he broke into a grin and waved her over. “Oy there! You made it! Where’s Frank?”

“At home moping over work,” she said with a wave of her hand as the antlered man leant down to kiss her cheek. “Brought something even better though.” She yanked Remus forward. “Potential new flatshare. Remus Lupin, this is James Potter and Sirius Black.”

Remus, who hadn’t quite recovered from taking in Sirius, cleared his throat. “Er. Hello.”

James quirked a brow under his mask, then smiled and extended his hand. “From the petrified look on your face, I take it to mean Alice has warned you about us.”

“Me, in particular,” Sirius asked, speaking for the first time.

James rolled his eyes. “Why don’t you make yourself useful and get some drinks. Remus, was it?” Remus nodded. “Drink?”

“Er. I’m alright, thanks.”

“It’s a party,” Sirius pointed out.

“Yes er well…not drinking. Tonight.”

Sirius crossed his arms. “You’re not English.”

James shot him a withering glare. “Sirius, can you not scare him off before he’s even made a proper introduction? Please. I’m begging here.”

Sirius huffed, threw his arms up, then stomped out of the room. James gave Remus an apologetic grin. “He’s a piss-baby and we just let him stomp his feet. He’ll get over it.”

“Is he not very keen on a new flatmate?”

James’ face twisted a little into an expression Remus couldn’t read, then shook his head. “It’s…it’s complicated. I’ll explain it another time when I don’t look like a drunken masked stag.”

Remus couldn’t help his laugh, and could not help immediately liking this James Potter. “Well er…”

“Boys,” Alice said, sliding back up with a drink now in her hands. “Are we getting on? I saw Sirius marching up the stairs with a cross look.”

“I banished him,” James explained. He put his arm round Remus’ shoulders. “How bout a tour? Lily’s upstairs and we can stop where your potential bedroom will be. We don’t let party guests go higher than this.”

“Oh. Er. Good,” Remus stuttered.

James laughed again, squeezing his shoulder, then led him to the stairs and up. It led to a large living area with a lounge hosting a couple of sofas, another telly, and over-stuffed bookcase. When they reached the small hallway, he pointed to the first door, “That’s Sirius’. He’s actually got this one, and the one next to it as his studio.”

“Studio?” Remus asked. 

“Art stuff. Never go in there,” James warned. “Ever. I mean I don’t care if the sodding building is in flames and the only fire extinguisher is in there. Never go in there. Even I’m not allowed and Sirius lets me get away with almost anything. Oh and Peter’s just across there,” James said, and indicated the door on the furthest right. “On the other side of the lounge is the loo, and shower and all that other rubbish. We share but we’re all very good about it, I promise.”

Remus felt his cheeks pink. “Good. Right. Got it.”

“Now yours will be here. It’s furnished a bit. Bed, wardrobe, desk. Not sure what else you’ll be needing.”

“That’s perfect, actually.” Remus stepped back when James let him go to get a key, and he unlocked the room, pushing the door in. It was larger than the room he was currently occupying, with a large window, comfortable looking bed, and decent sized wardrobe. The desk was small, but it would do. “I don’t have a lot of stuff. It was too far to travel.”

James nodded. “You’re from…?”

“Israel,” Remus said with a wave of his hand. “Well, actually I was born in Wales. I’ve got citizenship here as well, but we moved back to Be’er Sheva when I was six. After er…” He stopped. “ _Kus-ima-shcha_ ,” he muttered to himself. “I ramble a lot. Sorry.”

James was grinning from ear to ear. “It’s fine. You’ll fit in well here. We don’t really like the English all that much.”

Remus choked on a laugh. “Oh? You’re not…and isn’t Sirius…I mean well he sounds English. Alice said something about Aristocratic blood or…something.”

“Half Thai, half English. The English half are very much aristocratic, and barmy. And awful. But best not to bring it up to him.”

Remus rubbed his hand through his hair. “Believe me, I had no intention. It’s obvious he’s not keen on me being here anyway.”

“He’ll get over it,” James insisted. “Anyway, let’s go find Lils. I think she was getting ready.”

“She’s your…er. Wife?”

James grinned. “Just married a few months now. You’ll love her, trust me.” James re-locked the door and pulled Remus up the last flight of stairs which led directly to a door. “This is me and Lily’s and you’re welcome here any time. Just…probably knock first unless you want a glimpse of my naked arse without warning.”

Remus flushed. “Right. Got it.”

James chuckled and pushed the door open just enough to fit his head in. “Lily, my darling? Are you dressed.”

“Just finishing up my nose,” she called.

James turned to Remus. “She’s going as a doe.”

Remus smiled, not really sure what to say, but luckily James expected no response because he pushed the door further and they walked in. The area was massive. A lounge, which led to a sectioned off bedroom where Remus could see a large bed, a desk, and what looked like an architect table tucked in the corner with a ton of rolled up paper.

“That’s my work area,” James said, noting where Remus was staring. “I work for my father’s company now, meant to take over in a few months when he retires. Old man is far too old to be working but he’s stubborn.”

Remus laughed. “Mine’s the same. Worse now that my mum passed.”

James’ face flickered. “Sorry to hear that. Lily’s parents are both gone now as well. And Sirius’ dad. Not that he spoke to them at all.” James let out a laugh, reaching up to scratch the back of his head. “Bloody hell, why does everything always come back to that ponce?”

Remus was wondering the same thing, but said nothing as a very pretty redhead walked into the room. She had long hair to her shoulders, and she was very short, with a wide smile and twinkling green eyes. She had a mask in one hand, and she was adjusting deer ears on her head.

“Hi there,” she said.

Remus cleared his throat. “Hello.”

James rushed over to kiss her cheek, careful not to muss her make-up. “Lils, darling, this is Remus. The one Alice brought.”

Lily’s eyes went wide. “Oh wonderful! He’s so cute! Oh she always picks the best ones, doesn’t she?” She stuck her hand out to a blushing Remus who took it for a quick shake. “How do you like it so far? We’re all very nice, I promise. I mean, it’ll be good to have some fresh blood, don’t you think?”

“Easy now, he’s not said yes,” James said with a laugh. 

Lily scowled. “Why not? Was Sirius being…Sirius again? I swear I’m going to…” She trailed off as she wandered back to the vanity table to adjust her lipstick.

James laughed. “Sorry she does that a lot. And again, I know we’re making Sirius sound horrifying, but he’s alright. They’re best friends, in fact, Sirius and Lily.”

Remus worried his bottom lip between his teeth for a moment. “It’s fine. Really. And it er…you know it seems good. I mean if you’re happy with me…”

“We’d love to have you,” James said.

“Just like that?” Remus asked. “No references or…?”

“Have you got a job?” James asked, and Remus nodded. “Well then, s’all I need to know.” He threw his arm round Remus and turned his head back. “Going back down, love. See you in a bit, yeah?”

“Be down soon. Just making sure I’m perfection.”

“Already there, darling,” he said, then pulled Remus through the door, and led the way back down to the ground floor where more people had arrived. Music was playing now, and a few people stopped James to say hello. There were other people as well though, who looked very young and somewhat petrified to be there.

“Ah the firsties,” a blonde said, rubbing his hands together. From what Remus could tell, he was dressed like a mouse or rat—he wasn’t quite sure—and had a very small mask round his eyes. “Who’s this, then?”

“New flatmate. Remus, this is Peter. He’ll be your room neighbour.”

Peter shook Remus’ hand, smiling at him. “Excellent. You look like a quiet sort.”

“I er…am,” Remus said with a shrug.

“Good. Less for Sirius to whinge about. Considering the last…” Peter trailed off when he spotted one of the biggest bowls of crisps Remus had ever seen. “Excuse me, lads.”

James rolled his eyes. “Food is his religion. He’s a chef. Got a great job at a really good little restaurant not far from here. We’ll go when you’re settled in. Celebrate.”

Remus felt his whole body go hot with panic, and had no idea how to explain to James that he just could not go somewhere new like that. Instead he smiled. “Sounds good.”

“Okay, drinks. Drinks drinks drinks. What d’you fancy, Remus?”

“Oh no really, I am fine.” Remus ruffled his curls and looked round. “Er…where d’you think Alice got to?”

James shrugged, his head cocked to the side. “You okay, mate? We’re not making you uncomfortable, are we?”

Remus shook his head. “No it’s not…I mean. I don’t…” He took a breath, trying to regain a hold on both is senses and English. “ _Ani mitsta-er_. I mean, I’m sorry. No I have…” He forced himself to take another breath. “Big, unfamiliar crowds. It’s hard for me.”

James’ eyes widened. “Oh hell. I’m sorry! I should have…you know but I didn’t even think. We do this from time to time.”

Just then, Sirius bounded into the kitchen, wearing a large grin and a rather gaudy, gold mask covering half his face. “Hallo lads. Have we snared him then, yet?”

“I think so,” James said slowly. “If you behave yourself.”

Sirius gave a twirl, winking behind the mask. “I always do. At least as much as I’m able. I’m really not that bad. As long as you don’t turn out to be a complete ponce, I think we’ll be alright.” He clapped Remus on the shoulder. “Now, you really ought to be drinking. M’already pissed, you know. Must catch me up.”

“Really I think I shouldn’t. Have to get halfway across London later tonight.”

“You could just stay you know.” Sirius rolled his eyes. “Did you give him a key, Jamie?”

“Not yet,” James said. “We were still going over everything.”

“Bored. This is boring. I’m going upstairs to see if anyone will snog me.” He spun again, then rushed up the stairs, his feet hitting each step with a heavy thud.

“Is he always like that?” Remus asked.

“No,” James said. “He’s got a special sort of temperament. Always been a bit barmy, but we love him.” He glanced up at the stairs with a fond look in his eyes. “You can stay though, you know.”

“I shouldn’t,” Remus said. “I might. For a bit but…all my things.”

“Course. Well, let me get…” James trailed off as he rushed out of the room, and came back in with a brightly coloured pink, glittery pencil and a sheet of paper. “Well get something proper and formal later. Just give me your info. And does three-fifty a month sound alright to you?”

Remus nearly choked. “Three-fifty?”

“Well I could go two-fifty if it’s better for your budget. I mean honestly I’m not fussed about…”

“No I,” Remus said in a rush. “For this space? It seems a bit low.”

James grinned, his teeth poking just over his bottom lip. “Mummy and daddy spoil me.” He winked. “We just pay for the basics. Sometimes less if we’ve decided to go on spontaneous holiday and find ourselves broke-ish. But does that work? Here, let’s call it an even three hundred and you can have the first month free.”

“That’s…no. It’s too kind. I can’t…”

“Don’t be daft. Give me your contact info.”

Remus spluttered, then gave over his full name and mobile and the address he was currently staying. “I still think…”

“Don’t much care,” Lily said, surprising Remus as she came up from behind him. She put her hand on his lower back. “It’s how we do things. And trust me, James has an amazing sense of character. I mean usually. Occasionally mistakes are made when…”

“Can we not?” James asked. “I feel bad enough as it is and Sirius hasn’t stopped being passive aggressive yet.” He gave Remus an apologetic smile. “I’ll explain later, I promise. Anyway, Lils, go and take Remus upstairs to meet and greet. Make sure Sirius doesn’t get too pissed, alright? I’ll finish hoarding the firsties and then I’ll be up.”

Remus tried to protest, but with Lily’s hand on his arm, he had nowhere to go but up.

 

*** 

All in all, it wasn’t as bad as Remus anticipated. He found a small tub full of unopened beer bottles, and eventually helped himself to one which looked like it hadn’t been touched. He caught Sirius’ eye a few times, blushing when Sirius winked at him, but busied himself with meeting Marlene and her sister Marian, and Dorcas who was a close mate of theirs. Eventually a man called Gideon arrived, making apologies for his brother not showing, seemed overly excited about meeting Remus, then fucked off somewhere else wherever the younger University students were congregating.

It was near to midnight when Remus was ready to call it a night. Alice had long since gone, and James or Lily was nowhere to be found. In fact, no one who actually lived in the house were about, so Remus ventured up the stairs and stopped when he heard soft music coming from Sirius’ bedroom.

Feeling hesitant, he knocked when he saw the door was cracked open. 

“Yes?” a voice drawled.

Remus gave it a small push, just enough for his face to fit in. “Sorry to bother you…”

“S’not a bother. You can come in. Don’t need to skulk about.”

Remus cleared his throat. “I was er…looking for James.”

“I think he and Lils are getting Marian and Marlene home. You need something?”

“Oh no I…was just about to leave.”

“Or,” Sirius said, giving Remus a hard look, “you could sit down and give me your details.”

“My what?” Remus asked, surprised with himself for actually walking into the room. He gave it a quick glance and decided it was very Sirius. The walls were covered in posters from vintage punk bands from the seventies, and he had several shelves bursting with books, vinyl, and trinkets that he likely found in antique or import shops. There were clothes bursting out of his wardrobe, and his desk was near to overflowing with papers. He had a few stacks of canvas, all facing away from the room, but Remus could see splashes of paint on the edges so he assumed they had been painted on at some point.

“Well if you’re going to be moving in here, don’t you think you should at least give me some info?” He pat the side of the bed next to him. “Come on, mate. I don’t bite. I’m not an actual dog.”

Remus eyed the ears which were still perched on his head, and he smiled. “Er. Right. Well…”

“You can lose the mask as well. Nearly everyone’s gone.”

Remus’ fingers went up, absently toying with the elastic band, then slid it up, over his head. He knocked the wolf ears over, catching them before they hit the ground.

Sirius gave him a long, appraising look before he nodded. “Really, sit.”

“Look I just…”

“Are you afraid of me?”

Remus choked a little. “No. I’ve got social anxiety.” It blurted from his lips, then he found himself torn between turning tail and running, or meeting Sirius’ eye dead on. He chose the latter.

“Well that much was obvious,” Sirius said with a laugh. “But it’s just me, and we are going to live under the same roof. Right? You did say yes?”

“I did,” Remus confirmed.

“Well no one tells Jamie no, so…” Sirius grinned, sharp but it was oddly soothing and disarming.

Remus eventually caved, taking a seat on the very edge of the bed, and rested his back against the wall. “Well you know, there’s not much to tell.”

“Where are you from?”

“Wales,” Remus said, going with the easy answer.

“Fuck off, you are not Welsh.”

Remus laughed. “I am. But I lived most of my life in Israel.”

“Israeli. Well that explains the…” Sirius made a vague gesture upward and Remus frowned.

“The what?”

“Curls,” Sirius said. “They’re cute.”

Remus fought hard against a blush. “Cute. That’s…well alright. Never heard that one before. But…” He let out a breath and shrugged.

“Okay so Israeli-Welsh. That’s a new one.”

“Thai-English,” Remus countered.

Sirius’ grin widened. “Fair. What are you studying?”

“Medieval Theology.”

“The fuck is that?” Sirius asked. He reached to his desk and pulled a pack of cigarettes and a lighter from under a book. “You mind?”

Remus shook his head. “Medieval Theology is…” He struggled for the words. “I guess in laymans terms it’s how the Christian Church got started.”

“But you’re Jewish.”

“On my father’s side, yes,” Remus said with a laugh. “He’ll pester me about the High Holy Days but he’s worse about it than I am. Also my ethnicity doesn’t have anything to do with my area of study. It’s from a secular standpoint. History, mostly.”

“History nerd, got it,” Sirius said, winking. “You got a girlfriend?”

“No,” Remus said, his voice tight.

“Boyfriend?”

Remus shook his head. “Not as such.”

“Are you dating? We have a strict policy here about who we bring home. They have to be cool and not complete twats about you know…everything.”

Remus lifted a brow. “Everything?”

“No racists, no homophobes, no conservative pricks. The usual.” Sirius sucked in a lungful of smoke and let it drift out of his mouth in a lazy fashion. He put one arm behind his head and leant back against the wall. “Most of us are queer, you see. Most of us are not white, except Peter and Lily but they barely count. So you know, strict policy.”

Remus felt his cheeks go pink again and wondered if he blushed anymore that it would become permanent. “Well I don’t usually associate myself with people who would hate me so…” He stopped and shrugged. “Also I don’t date.”

“Ever?”

Remus shook his head. “Never.”

“Ace?”

Remus shook his head. “No just…I just don’t date.”

Sirius shrugged. “Fair enough, mate. Try not to get involved myself. I mean, I just don’t do well with it. I start having a feeling and it’s just like oh fuck. I think I’ll not have any of that today! Usually works well for me.”

Remus couldn’t help his laugh. “Good policy, I suppose.”

Sirius grinned again. “I like your accent.”

“Thanks,” Remus smiled back.

“Well my only other issue is keeping it quiet at night. My sleeping habits are fickle but when I do sleep, I treasure it. Nothing sets me off like being prematurely woken up.” He brushed his hand long his cheek. “Beauty rest is important, you know.”

Unable to stop himself, Remus blurted, “Oh like you need to be any more beautiful.”

Sirius’ eyes widened. “What?”

Already in for it, Remus shrugged. “You’ve seen yourself, right? It’s gotta be illegal in some countries.”

Leaning forward, Sirius grinned. “Are you mooning over me?”

Remus spluttered. “No I just… I mean, it’s common knowledge, isn’t it?”

There were footsteps on the stairs and Sirius threw his head back, crowing, “Prongs, get your arse in here!”

A second passed, then James head popped round the door and he grinned. “Yes love?”

“Remus here just told me I’m so beautiful it should be illegal.”

James groaned. “Oh no, Remus. No. We don’t…we don’t comment on it. We don’t stroke his ego. He’ll be impossible now!”

Remus flushed. “I er…sorry?”

Sirius was hugging himself. “He was mooning over me. We should call him that, you know.”

James quirked a brow. “What?”

“Moony.” Sirius winked at Remus. “It’s fitting. He’s a mooner.”

 

“I wasn’t,” Remus insisted.

“Too late now, mate. You’ve done it.” James plopped down next to Remus and put a consoling hand on his shoulder. He reached into his pocket then, and retrieved a small keyring with three keys dangling. “You’re one of us now, Moony.”

Remus blinked, not sure what to say. “I…”

“Here are your keys. We expect you moved in by the end of the week. If you need help, that’s what we’re here for as well.” With that, James stood up, bending low to plant a small kiss on the top of Remus’ head. “Your curls are adorable,” he said, then walked out.

Sirius was looking at him like he’d just won a lottery. “Adorable,” he said through his grin.

Remus sighed, wondering what he was getting himself into.

*** 

He moved in two days later. With help, he managed to transport all of his stuff—mostly books and clothes—into James Potter’s building. Frank and Alice did most of the heavy lifting, as James had been at work, but he got in just in time to help with the final boxes, and just before dusk everything was stacked neatly beside Remus’ bed.

“Well,” James said, putting hands on his hips, “I think this calls for food. Remus, what do you fancy? Take-away?”

Remus felt his face go a little hot, but Alice quickly jumped in. “Frank and I can go out and get it. Curry or pizza, love? Or something else?”

“You know that Greek place,” Remus started, feeling his chest unclench.

“Absolutely. I’ll bang round the flat and get everyone’s order. James, you?” Alice quickly began typing everything into her mobile, then hurried out of the room.

Remus gave James a half-embarrassed shrug. “I er…I’m a fussy eater,” he said, not sure how to explain it without explaining it.

James shook his head. “We accommodate all sorts, Moony. Just say the word.” He winked, then walked out.

Remus wondered if he was in for something mad, or just profoundly lucky, but he wasn’t about to complain. Turning back to his boxes, he touched the corner and out of nowhere, it went toppling over. He attempted to catch it, but it was his bad arm and it refused to budge. His books crashed along the floor with a massive thud, and about forty five seconds later, a voice from the hall thick with sleep, shouted.

“Oy! Who am I killing?” A moment later, the door swung all the way open and a bleary-eyed Sirius black marched in. He had smudges of black eyeliner under his eyes, and his hair was in slight disarray—though his disarray would have been a brilliant hair-day for Remus. “You. Moony. What did I say about my sleep?”

Remus flushed. “Shit. I’m so sorry. I…dropped a box,” he finished weakly.

Sirius’ sleep-heavy eyes looked round the room, then he let out a breath. “All sorted, are you? You want help?”

Remus, who had expected to at least get smacked round for breaking the don’t wake Sirius rule, shook his head. “I reckon I’ll work on it tomorrow after my shift. I really am sorry.”

Sirius waved his hand. “Nah. It’s fine. I’ve been out for like…” He reached into his pocket for his mobile and squinted at the screen. “Oh hell. Ten hours.”

Remus sputtered a little. “Ten hours? Aren’t you peckish, at least a little?”

“Why, you got food?”

“Alice is taking orders for Greek,” he explained.

Sirius’ eyes went alight and he rushed out of the room without another word to Remus. 

With a sigh, Remus stacked his books in an orderly fashion, then ventured into the lounge where he found Peter and Lily on one of the sofas, talking quietly with cups of tea. Lily perked up when Remus entered.

“Hey! Alice and Frank just nipped out for the food. Come and sit down, yeah?” She pat the cushion next to her, and Remus sat, giving her a polite amount of space. “All settled, then?”

“Mostly,” he said with a shrug. “I’ll do my unpacking tomorrow.”

Lily smiled. “Ah don’t rush. You’ve got time.” She reached out and gave his knee a squeeze before turning back to Peter, and their conversation which was apparently about some television show called Supernatural—something he’d heard of but had never watched.

After a little while, James came back into the room with Sirius at his heels. He took one of the armchairs whilst Sirius plonked himself on the floor between Lily and Remus, and reached out, curling one arm round Lily’s knee, and the other round Remus’.

“So, what are we talking about?”

“Latest Supernatural,” Peter said.

Sirius let out a dramatic groan. “Judas’ cock and balls, if it’s not bloody sport it’s that ridiculous programme. I’m sure you’ve bored poor Moony out of his head by now. New topic!”

Lily gave Sirius a withering look, but there was no venom in it. “And what would you have us talk about?”

Sirius shrugged, then let his head fall back, his hair falling elegantly on the cushion next to Remus. “Me, of course. Tell me how pretty I am, Lils.”

Lily rolled her eyes. “So very pretty, my love.”

Sirius preened, then turned his head toward Remus. “You. You tell me how pretty I am.”

Remus quirked a brow, feeling his heart do a funny pitter-patter against his ribs. “I thought I wasn’t supposed to stroke your ego.”

Sirius scowled as James laughed. “Oy, don’t train him up improperly,” Sirius whinged. He turned puppy-eyes back on Remus. “I need compliments to live, Moony. To live. You don’t want me to die, do you?”

“Well, it would free up space,” Remus said, and was rewarded with another loud laugh from James’ chair.

“Oh bloody hell I love this one,” James said. “Remind me to send a massive gift-basket to Alice for this. Moony, you’re now my favourite. Padfoot, you’ve been demoted.”

“What?” Sirius said, standing up with a scowl. “This is treason! I’ll not stand for it. I refuse to speak to anyone else in this house ever again until you take it back!” With a dramatic twirl, he left the room.

Remus looked over at Lily. “Er…is he really upset?”

“Oh who knows,” Lily said, waving her hand dismissively. “He’ll quit it once Alice gets back with the food though. Trust me, if you ever upset him, just give him something to eat. He really is like a dog in that regard.”

Remus almost laughed, feeling strangely at home in this new place. It was new, and different, and he realised that for the first time in a while, he felt steady on his feet.

*** 

Remus had been living in the flat for one month, six days, and a handful of hours. And on that one month, six days, and handful of hours, he came to realise a few things. One, Alice had been right about the fiercely loyal friendship. Two, she had also been right that they would be taken with Remus, because in that time he was treated like family and in his entire life he had never had friends like that. Three, living with someone like Sirius Black was exhausting and wonderful. And four, although Remus never dated because no one ever really understood what it was like to date someone with the host of accommodations he needed, he was desperately wishing he could date his gorgeous flatmate.

Of course he knew that was impossible. Sirius flirted with him, of course, but he flirted with everyone. Almost literally. He was handsy and touchy. Several times Remus walked into a room or the kitchen to find Sirius kissing James on the mouth, or nuzzling Lily on the side of the neck. He would plonk himself down onto Peter’s lap, or invade all of Remus’ space. Some nights Sirius would wander into Remus’ room during his reading and plop his head into Remus’ lap, demanding a hair pet.

Remus knew he was not special. But he was beginning to crave more and it worried him. He wanted to ask Alice about it, and eventually brought it up during their latest tea together.

“I had a question,” Remus said as he stirred a bit of honey into the dark liquid.

“Alright.”

“Well, a few. But…does Sirius…has he ever dated?”

Alice lifted a brow. “Er. Why?”

“Well he asked me and I told him I didn’t,” Remus started, making a pathetic attempt to sound casual, “I didn’t explain why. But he said he’s the same and I was curious.”

“Oh well.” Alice huffed a breath. “Have they still not mentioned Gilderoy?”

Remus quirked a brow. “Gilderoy?”

“Lockhart.”

“Not that bloke from the telly,” he asked.

“The same. He went to school with us as well. Few years behind us. Anyway he came to one of the fresher parties, er I want to say it was last year, maybe the one before.” She gave an impatient wave of her hand. “Anyway, he and Sirius hit it off. I mean, everyone could see it was a disaster in the making. The two of them with their giant egos and everything. But of course you tell Sirius not to do something and he’ll immediately find a way to do it. So they started dating and eventually it…”

“Crumbled?”

Alice nodded. “Gilderoy was living there. He’d already got the job on telly but everyone reckoned he was staying because of Sirius. And well…everyone thought they were in a good place. Even James. Turns out they weren’t Gilderoy was a bit of a…berk.”

Remus quirked a brow. “Er?”

“He borrowed Sirius’ life-story for a book. Down to some very obvious, rather gory details. Also turns out he wasn’t treating Sirius very kindly behind closed doors. Eventually when James learnt about it—and mind you he still feels guilty because he’s the one who vouched for Gilderoy in the first place—he went mental. Gilderoy broke into Sirius’ art studio after that and…well I’m not sure what he did. Fucked up his paintings or maybe chucked them out of the window. Anyway, it was all a ruddy mess.”

Remus let out a breath. “Christ.”

“Sirius didn’t date much before that, you know. He doesn’t really give his heart away the way most people do.” Alice thumbed the rim of her tea mug. “Suffice it to say, I don’t think he’ll be in a hurry to do it again.”

Remus nodded, feeling even more hopeless than before. “So what happened? With the book?”

“Well Sirius’ family found out about it, and used their connection to stop print. I think a few copies have floated round but none of our friends would read it because well, that’s just dreadful, innit?”

“Absolutely,” Remus breathed.

“Anyway, don’t tell them I told you. They probably should have by now, but it’s still a sore subject. It was all recent.”

Licking his lips, Remus nodded and hurried to finish his sandwich. He had to find a way to stop fancying Sirius. He enjoyed being all their friends and pining just wouldn’t do.

*** 

A few weeks later, Sirius marched into Remus’ room and flopped down on his bed. “Moony.” He poked at Remus’ leg, who was ignoring him in favour of finishing up a particularly long chapter. “Mooooony.”

Remus glanced over. “ _Ma koreh_?” he muttered.

Sirius sat up, his eyes glinting. “What did you just say to me?”

Remus flushed. “Sorry. I was asking what’s up?”

“Was that…Hebrew?”

Remus nodded. “I forget when I’m busy. Which I am. Very.”

Sirius reached over without invitation or care, and grabbed Remus’ book, slamming it shut. “And now you’re not. Talk more Hebrew to me.”

“No,” Remus said, attempting to get the book back, but Sirius dodged the swipe. 

“And why not?”

“Because you don’t speak it and I’m busy,” he stressed.

Sirius reached out and swiped one finger down on Remus’ nose. “What if I trade you for Thai?”

“I don’t want to speak Thai right now, I want to read my book, you fuck.”

Sirius crowed a laugh. “I love when you get all mean, Moony.”

Remus deflated and sat back. “You’re not going to let me study, are you?”

Bouncing on the bed a little, Sirius shook his head. “No. M’not.”

“ _Eizeh kotz ba’tachat_.” Remus groused.

Sirius grinned. “ _Ta khun suay mak,_ ” he responded in kind, his smile sharp and gleaming.

Remus was momentarily startled by the stark difference in Sirius’ voice when he switched languages. His English was very posh, very stark and proper, and watching his mouth curve round the new words and accent made him flush. “You really do speak Thai.”

“It was my first language. Mother saw to it.” Sirius reached out again to poke one finger into Remus’ nose. “Was your nose always this big?”

Remus shrugged. “Think so, yes. I grew into it a bit.”

Sirius laughed. “I’d love to see photos. It’s quite fetching on you.”

Remus felt his stomach twist again and hated how much he was just feeling. What had Sirius said that first night about catching a feeling? Stamping it out? He was trying, but failing miserably. “I was gangly and awkward. And honestly there’s not a lot of photos of me.”

“Why?” Sirius shifted so he was sitting with a little space between them, turned so he could look directly at Remus. “I love having my photo done.”

“Well yes, because you’re horrid and vain,” Remus said, giving Sirius a small shove. “But I’m not.”

“You should be.” Sirius gave him a stern nod.

Remus shook his head. “It’s…I’m not…”

Sirius reached out with a gentle finger and traced it down Remus’ scar. “Is it from that? Because you know it makes you look ruddy mysterious and that’s not a bad thing.”

Remus gulped, shaking his head. “It’s…there’s…I just don’t enjoy my face.”

“Well I’ll just have to enjoy it for the both of us, won’t I?” Sirius winked at him. “Also it’s bloody hot in here. You can take that jumper off, you know.”

Remus shook his head. “I’m fine.”

“You’re going to get heat stroke.”

“I won’t,” Remus defended. “I wear them all the time, I’m used to it. I don’t have your strange English constitution.”

Sirius snorted and shook his head. “Suit yourself, mate. Anyway, come to my room. Yours is all swotty and boring with nothing but books. I’ll play you some guitar or ukulele or something.”

He was refusing to take no for an answer, even when Remus shook his head. And after a moment Remus found himself pulled across the hall and into Sirius’ bedroom which was, in fact, more lively. He was thrown to the bed, and Sirius walked over to the wall where two different sized instruments hung. He tapped his chin, then selected the smaller of the pair.

Turning, he cleared his throat and grinned. “Any requests?”

Remus shook his head. “Er. No. Whatever you want to sing me.”

“Well then. Here’s a lovely cover of a song that speaks to me spiritually. I’d like to dedicate it to everyone in the world besides the people currently living in this flat.” He winked at Remus, then strummed a few chords. After a second, he began to sing, “Some stupid berk in the checkout line, paying for beers with nickels and dimes, and some old man who clipped coupons, argued whenever they wouldn’t take one.” He winked at Remus who was slowly processing the lyrics. “And all I wanted…was to buy some cigarettes, but I couldn’t take it…anymore…so I left.”

He gave the ukulele a strum and did a little spin, then knelt on the bed in front of Remus with one knee. “I hate everyone…..I hate everyone….. I hate everyoooooohooon. I hate every-ooohoooohoooone! All the people in the street. I. Hate. You. All. All the people that I meet. I. Hate. You. All. All the people that I know. I. Hate. You. All. All the people that I don’t. I. Hate. You. All.”

Remus was laughing, doubled over by the time the song was finished, and Sirius was giving him a wide, even smile. 

“Liked that, did you?”

Remus sat up, his head shaking. “That was brilliant. You said it was a cover?”

Sirius shrugged. “Brilliant band. They’ve got another called Die Motherfucker Die. Another brilliant song. Sang that one a lot recently after…an incident.”

Remus, who knew what that was, shrugged. “Well, at least it’s cathartic. Is that the right word?”

Sirius laughed as he set the ukulele down on his desk and flopped down next to Remus. “Yeah. How terrible is your English though, really?”

“Well not so much. I learnt it along with Hebrew. Just…when we moved back to Be’er Sheva we didn’t use it so much. And after my mum died, almost none at all. Well, until University. I was much worse off last time I was here.”

Sirius turned onto his back, then wriggled up til his head was lying on Remus’ thigh. “S’that when you met Alice?”

Remus nodded, his hand going absently into Sirius’ hair as it had done so many times. It was his bad arm, his fingers stuttering a little, but Sirius didn’t seem to notice. “She was in a class with me. One of my theology courses. She was just trying it out.”

Sirius let out a rather undignified snort. “Yeah I could see that one getting a bit odd. Isn’t she a militant Atheist?”

“Well it was a secular class, but there were a few people in there less…than secular, I suppose. The arguments were interesting.”

Sirius’ eyes were twinkling, their grey colour shining like a stormy ocean. “I bet they were! Wish I could’ve seen that.”

Remus twirled some of the soft, black strands round his fingers, hating what he was doing to himself. But he just couldn’t seem to help it. “Either way, it comes back, the more I use it.”

“When did your mum die?”

Remus looked down at Sirius for a second. “When I was sixteen.”

Letting out a breath, Sirius turned his body slightly, so his cheek rested against Remus’ trousers. “My dad died a year and a half ago. My brother wasn’t allowed to talk to me before that but we’ve been…in touch more. Recently.”

Remus took his bad hand away and replaced it with his good one, letting the massage go a little deeper. “That’s good, isn’t it? I don’t have siblings so I wouldn’t know.”

Sirius nodded against his leg. “Mother doesn’t approve, but she’s getting up there in age. Stopped caring that her precious baby was associating with the shame of the family. The homosexual,” he spat angrily.

Remus held him tight for a second. “My dad doesn’t know. About me, I mean.”

Sirius blinked up at him. “About you what?”

Remus paused for a breath, then said, “That I’m gay.”

There was a pause, then Sirius sat up and stared at Remus. “You…but I thought. Well.” He cleared his throat. “You never said.”

“No,” Remus replied slowly. “I’m not in the closet or anything. Not with my friends. I just…I don’t usually date. Ever. So,” he stopped and gave a weak shrug.

Sirius laid back down and took a long, almost shaking breath. “Right. No, that makes sense. Parents and all that.”

Remus swallowed thickly, hesitantly putting his hand back in Sirius’ hair to make sure it was okay. When he didn’t protest, Remus resumed stroking along his scalp. “Old traditions take forever to die out, and it’s just not worth the fight.”

“Well it is when your mad family is trying to marry you off to your fourth cousin,” Sirius said, his voice tinged with bitterness. “Incest and selective breeding. My family’s…” He licked his lips. “Year and a half ago I was dating this bloke. Seemed okay. Not really a nice man though, not nice at all. I don’t really,” Sirius paused and took a breath, and Remus’ hand stilled.

“You don’t have to tell me,” Remus all-but whispered.

“No it’s fine.” Sirius rubbed his cheek along Remus’ thigh. “I don’t open up a lot. To people. Never know who you can trust, you know? James, Lily, and Pete don’t count, of course. Alice and Frank, they’re lovely. You’re lovely,” he added quietly, and Remus swore his heart stopped for a second. “I thought he cared. I mean he wasn’t ever very nice at all, unless people were round. Then he was very doting,” he spat, his voice tinged with sarcasm. “But I thought maybe I was just too closed off. So I opened up, thought maybe if I shared, if he understood that I could love—did love, as foolish as it was—then he’d be better. Instead he took my story. Thought it was a good one, decided it would make a good book. Family caught wind of it, shut him up quicker than I could have.”

Remus trailed his fingers to Sirius’ cheek and cupped it. “Someone who doesn’t appreciate how wonderful you are doesn’t deserve a second of your thoughts, Sirius.”

Grey eyes blinked up at Remus. “You really are lovely, Moony.”

Remus smiled, shaking his head. “Just appreciative. Of you. Of James and Lily and Peter. And everyone. But you in particular.” He took a breath, realising he could repay Sirius in kind. At least a little. “When I was little, my dad took me hunting. He wasn’t paying much attention to where we were. He got side-tracked. I got lost. Pack of wolves came up and attacked.”

Sirius sat up, his eyes blinking. “Attacked by wolves?”

Remus shrugged, then with a breath, he grabbed the bottom of his jumper and pulled it over his head. He wore a plain black t-shirt under, the sleeves short enough to show the severe damage on his arm. He very carefully lifted the hem of the shirt up, over his chest toward his throat to show the massive criss-crossing of scars thick and heavy and ugly. His skin was puckered in some places, stretched tight in others. It had been crudely sewn together to keep the small boy from bleeding to death.

“Moony,” Sirius breathed. His hand went out, then he yanked it back. “How did you survive that?”

Remus shrugged. “Very nearly didn’t. He found me bleeding out, but it was snowing and it managed to staunch the flow. I was in hospital for nearly two months. My arm was ripped off, but they managed to put it back together. It’s a bit useless now…” He raised it just a bit, as high as it would allow him, giving his fingers a weak flex.

Sirius reached out again, and Remus nodded, giving his consent. Sirius’ gentle fingers began to trace along some of the scars, going up the thick skin where a nipple should have been, along his collarbone, and down his arm. He could only feel bits of it, most of the skin long-since numb.

“It’s why I don’t date. Well…one of the reasons.”

Sirius blinked, then looked at Remus sharply. “This? The scars?”

“People are…it’s…off-putting.”

“No,” Sirius said, his voice harsh and sharp. “It’s…I mean it’s you, Moony. How can they…?” He let out a growl. “Why are people the worst?”

Remus laughed as he let his shirt fall back down, but he didn’t bother with his jumper again. “They just are, I suppose.”

Sirius waited a pause, then asked, “What’s the other reason?”

Worrying his bottom lip, Remus looked away. “I’ve got…a thing.”

“A thing,” Sirius pressed.

Remus cleared his throat. “Condition. Disorder. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.”

“Oh,” Sirius said from behind a short breath. “Well I worked that one out ages ago.”

Remus blinked rapidly. “Sorry…you what?”

“Well it’s a bit obvious, you know.” Sirius settled himself next to Remus, shoulder-to-shoulder. “Fussy eating, and you do this tapping pattern thing with your fingers. And I’ve seen you get stuck in a loop with your bedroom door lock. One afternoon you came back to check it six times.”

Remus was bright red. “Oh I… Oh.”

“It’s fine, you know,” Sirius said, giving him a nudge. “Trust me, it doesn’t bother anyone here. You fit right in.”

“I just…wasn’t sure anyone could recognise it.”

“Does it bother you? That we did?”

Remus thought about that for a long while, then smiled and shook his head. “No. Relieved, actually.”

Sirius leant his head on Remus’ shoulder. “That’s good.” He breathed for a moment. “Meant what I said, you know. You’re very lovely.”

Remus nuzzled a little closer and rested his cheek against the top of Sirius’ hair. “I think you’re very lovely too, Sirius. Very lovely indeed.”

“Thank you,” Sirius said.

Remus winked. “ _Al hakefak_ ”

*** 

Remus came out to James and Lily next, with the scars and his OCD. They were unbothered, though both claimed they would like to give anyone who ever made Remus feel less than a proper and sound beating. Then they asked if Remus needed further accommodations and that was the end of it. 

They settled into a comfortable routine after that. Remus, at times, forgot what it was like to not live there. When he would fall into an anxiety loop, one of them would be waiting with his favourite chocolate or take-away for after. No one ever said a word when Remus needed to re-wash dishes or cook his own meals. No one bothered when they were going out and he had to check the door a few times. No one ever complained when Remus needed to choose another café or restaurant because he just _couldn’t_ that day.

It was the happiest he’d ever been, and simultaneously the most miserable because apart from all that, he was falling hard for Sirius who didn’t make it easy on him. All the touching and snuggles and attention, it was just getting worse.

One night, Remus was just finishing up working on his thesis outline when Sirius burst in. “I need you,” he declared.

Used to these grand declarations, Remus spun in his chair. “Whatever for?”

“Muse. You’re my muse. Come along.” Sirius wrenched Remus up from the chair and to his great surprise, pulled him toward the studio.

“Er…but…” Remus stuttered and halted Sirius. “I can’t…I mean, you don’t let people in here.”

“No,” Sirius said slowly. “Not without my permission. Which you have.” He pushed the door open and shoved Remus inside.

Remus, for his part, didn’t know what to expect. The place had been so off limits he hadn’t let himself wonder. But it was very…ordinary. The floor was covered in several paint-stained white sheets, and there were canvases strewn about half-finished or blank. There were shelves upon shelves with different types of paints and brushes, and several easels from small to hand-built and nearly the length of the room.

“I need…well I want. I want to paint you. Moony, will you let me paint you?”

Remus quirked an eyebrow. “Me? But I’m…I mean…well alright, but why?”

Sirius crossed the distance between them, took Remus’ face in his hands, and traced the scar with his thumb. “Because you’re fucking lovely, I told you.” He released him and took a step back. “I kept thinking of the night you told me about the,” he waved an impatient hand at Remus’ arm and chest. “And I couldn’t stop. I kept thinking, is there some irony that a boy called Remus Lupin—of all bloody names—got attacked by wolves? Was it fate? Was it some cosmic joke?”

Remus found himself snorting a laugh. “Never really thought.”

Sirius gave him a crooked, wry grin. “You’re so…” He finished that sentence with a small growl. “Then I thought, if it is cosmic, it must mean you’re very special. And the idea that anyone made you feel less special, less beautiful…well I’ve got to fix that because I’m an artist and that’s something I can do. So…just…” He stopped and went behind a cupboard door, coming back with a massive pouf. “Get comfy on this. It’s going to take me a while.”

Unable to deny this man anything, Remus did. It was awkward at first, and Sirius eventually barked at him, telling him not to look like he had a stick up his arse. “You’re not a puppet. Just…relax. Lay there. Think of things that fill you with contentment.”

 _You_ , Remus thought, but didn’t voice it. Still, he allowed himself to look at Sirius as he got started and it filled his body with a sense of gratefulness and wonder. 

“That’s it. Exactly that. Whatever that thought is, hold it.”

It wouldn’t be hard to do.

Staying awake, however, was. And Remus found himself startled awake he wasn’t sure how long after, with gentle fingers stroking his cheek.

“Good evening, moonshine.”

Remus blinked, then blushed. “Oh. I…fell asleep?”

“That you did. But it was good. You don’t move a lot in your sleep so I got everything finished. You want to come and see?”

Remus licked his lips. “Er. Do I?”

“I should hope so. I don’t do this for just anyone, you know.” Sirius pulled him up and brought him round the canvas, pointing. Remus was stunned silent, because the figure there could not have been him. There was no way. He was…well he was beautiful and Remus was no fool. He knew better.

“See,” Sirius breathed, gently against the side of Remus’ face. “You see you now the way I see you.”

Remus felt his voice go thick with emotion. “That’s…” he cleared his throat. “That’s how you see me?” His tone was full of disbelief and wonder.

“Yes,” Sirius said, giving a nod. “It is. It’s how everyone does. Except the bad ones, and they hardly count, do they?”

“I’ve just…I’ve never…” Remus stopped, not quite sure what to say. Taking a breath, he grabbed Sirius and pressed a firm, hard kiss to the side of his face. “ _Ani ohev otcha_.” And with that, he rushed out of the room.

*** 

Remus didn’t come out for hours. Not when James invited him down for food, not when Lily begged him to come and watch some documentary on Netflix about the Gospel of Judas, and not when Peter invited him for a drink.

The only one who didn’t come by was Sirius, and in fact, Remus hadn’t heard him go back to his room at all. It was near midnight when Remus, lying on his bed, finally did hear Sirius’ door open and shut, and he sat up in the dark of his room.

He was too consumed and his attempts to get over his crush were pathetic and at worst, made him want Sirius even more. Now with the damned painting, he wasn’t sure he could take it.

“I need to be brave,” he whispered to himself. It was time, really. And if Sirius rebuked him, then maybe he’d know. And then maybe he could just stop. And if Sirius didn’t well…that was something entirely different.

With a breath, he crept out of the room and padded across the floor. There was a light on under the door, and Remus could smell smoke. He rapped gently on the wood and waited.

“Fuck off, James,” Sirius said. “I told you I’m not in the mood for a chat.”

“It’s… Er. Not James,” Remus said.

There was a long pause of silence, then the door was flung open. Sirius was staring at him, eyebrow arched. “Oh. So speaking to me again, are you?”

Remus licked his lips. “I er…was overwhelmed.”

“Listen, I didn’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable. I know you said earlier…”

Remus put up a hand, stopping the flow of words. “Can I come in? Because I’d rather not say this all out here.”

Sirius winced, but stepped aside, shutting the door as Remus stood near the bed. “Okay but…can I just say…?”

“No,” Remus said quickly. “If I don’t say this now, I never will and it’ll just get worse and I’ll have to move out and I really don’t want to because I like it here, Sirius. Damn it.” His words were rambling out, and he wasn’t sure how to stop himself.

“I know. I know I crossed a line and…”

Remus wasn’t really listening, talking over Sirius’ words. “I. Fuck. Fucking…I fancy you, Sirius.”

There was a silence, almost buzzing between them, and Sirius, mouth half-open with the fag perched on his lower lip, blinked at him. “You…what?”

Remus threw up his hands. “I know. About Gilderoy and what he did and I know why you don’t date. Why you don’t catch feelings. But I can’t get _over_ you,” Remus said, his voice pained and aching in his throat, “and it’s driving me mental. I can’t sleep, I can’t think when you’re around and…”

But Sirius was throwing his cigarette into an ash tray and closing the distance between them. His fingers reached up, curling round the back of Remus’ neck and his head was shaking. “Shut up,” he breathed. “Just…shut the fuck up for a second.”

Remus stopped, his heart thudding, the warm fingers on his skin overwhelming every sense he had. 

“I’ve been…Jesus from the moment you set foot in this house I’ve wanted you,” Sirius breathed, his voice tense and high. “I couldn’t stop thinking about you and I was so angry that night because I haven’t let myself want anyone since that fucking…” He stopped and shook his head. “But there you were with your stupid big nose and curls and ridiculous smile and all I can think about is kissing you all over your face.”

Remus wasn’t sure he was alive. Maybe he was dead and this was some sort of heaven because he could not believe someone like Sirius Black would want him. Not like this. “I…” He gulped. “Well, if you want to kiss me so bad,” he said, suddenly emboldened because why the fuck not, “maybe you should.”

Sirius’ eyes widened in surprise and he barked a laugh. “Oh? I should, you say.” But before Remus could give a witty retort, Sirius was doing just that. He was pulling Remus down, and standing on his toes, and warm lips were meeting warm lips.

Sirius’ hands snaked round Remus’ back, fingers closing hard into his jumper, and Sirius let out a moan which made Remus gasp. The parted lips gave way for tongues to meet, tangling together hard and desperate. Sirius backed Remus up against the wall, then over onto their knees as they hit the bed.

For fear of the other suddenly disappearing, of it just being some dream, neither of them wanted to part as they scrambled up for the pillows. Remus had his fingers in Sirius’ hair, Sirius still holding the jumper tight, and the need for air was becoming almost critical but they didn’t care.

“Fuck,” Sirius whispered against Remus’ mouth. “Oh my god, I can’t believe…”

“I know,” Remus said, then laughed and pressed his forehead to Sirius’.

Fingers hesitantly traced the bottom of Remus’ jumper. “I want…can I…touch you?”

Remus nodded, not trusting his voice right then, and he gave a small shiver as Sirius pulled both jumper and t-shirt off. He removed his own, for even footing, then pulled Remus close to him. 

“I can’t even tell you how much I’ve thought about this.” The pads of his fingers traced the scars like he’d done the first night Remus had showed them. But this was different, and oh so good. He lowered his mouth, letting his tongue dip between the puckered flesh. “So gorgeous.”

“I’m…I mean I know I’m not…”

“There are so many different shades of beauty, Remus,” Sirius breathed as he held him close. His hands ghosted down his back, toying with the waistband of his trousers. His knuckles brushed along the skin there, and Remus shivered again. “And there’s something bright and magnificent inside you bursting out of your every pore and I just want to find myself cocooned by it.” He lifted his head for another kiss, and Remus held him tight by the back of the head.

“I don’t know what to say.”

Sirius chuckled. “That’s alright.” He shifted his hips, and Remus gasped as he felt a hardness pressed against his own. “So long as you trust me. So long as you understand that the sight of you makes me weak and wobbly in the knees.” With that statement, Sirius reached between them to palm Remus’ erection.

“Oh I…shit,” Remus gasped. “I suppose I do. Because it’s how I feel about you.”

Sirius grinned against his mouth as he began to rub. “I want to…may I…”

“God yes. Anything,” Remus all-but begged.

Sirius fumbled with their zips, and what felt like eternal seconds later, had both of their hard cocks out and pressed together. Remus brought his hand down, unable to think of anything else except touching Sirius there, and with a matched rhythm, they stroked each other.

“Fuck, Moony. Re. Oh so…so good.” Sirius was panting and Remus felt a bit foolish at how quickly he was approaching his edge but it had been so long and it was _Sirius_ doing the touching which was enough to make him let go all on its own.

“Oh…oh I don’t think I can…” Remus breathed.

“So don’t. Let go for me. Let go,” Sirius breathed, and he lifted his head again for a searing kiss, and it was all that took for Remus.

Shuddering, he cried out against Sirius’ shoulder, and second after, Sirius was coming all over their joined hands.

After a moment, as the aftershocks began to die down, Remus started to pull away, but Sirius used his free hand to cup his cheek. “You don’t…don’t regret it, do you?”

The insecurity in his voice reminded Remus of what Sirius had been through, and he was quick to shake his head. “I meant what I said. I fancy you. Not a shag. Not just…not just this. I want…” But he wasn’t sure how to voice it, so he dragged one hand down Sirius’ face. “I suppose I want whatever you’ll have with me. So long as it means it’s me and you.”

The smile that bloomed on his face was like nothing Remus had ever seen in the time he’d been living there. It was something he would tuck away for later, for whenever he was feeling low or sad. “I think I’d like…well I think I’d like very much to keep you.”

Remus laughed a little, in spite of the now sticky-cold wetness between them. “Well that’s good.”

Sirius grunted, then stood up. “I should…get something for this.” He darted out, and came back seconds later with a wet flannel. “It’s cold. I didn’t want to wait.”

Remus hissed as the chilly flannel began to wipe him clean, but it was done and Sirius was now tugging off his own jeans, and Remus was following suit so he was laid there in Sirius’ bed in pants only, still a bit wet.

“You should stay here. Tonight. Or you know…every night.” Sirius pushed back the duvet, then brought it up round their waist. He settled into Remus’ shoulder and let out a breath. “Or is that too presumptuous?”

Remus laughed. “No. It isn’t.” He went quiet as his hand worked its way back into Sirius’ hair. “D’you think the others will mind?”

Sirius huffed a breath. “James might be worried. But he likes you too much for him to take it out on you. And Lily’s smug because she figured me out already. Saw me pining away.”

Remus laughed. “Oh?”

“She might have mentioned to me that she caught a…look in your eye.” Sirius snickered against Remus’ naked shoulder. “Urged me to go for it.”

Remus blinked in the dim light of the room. “Is that what the painting was for?”

Sirius shook his head, pressing a kiss to the side of Remus’ neck. “No. That was because everything about you inspired me. And I wanted you to see it through my eyes.”

Remus felt his throat go a bit tight again. “Well it was…fucking lovely,” he said, borrowing Sirius’ words. 

Sirius let out a quiet laugh and cupped Remus’ cheek. “It’s because you are. Absolutely fucking lovely.”

**Author's Note:**

> Kus-ima-shcha- God damn it
> 
> Ani mitsta-er- Sorry
> 
> Ma koreh- What's happening?
> 
> Eizeh kotz ba’tachat- pain in the arse
> 
> Daa khun suuway mak khrup (Thai)- You have beautiful eyes
> 
> Al hakefak- You're welcome
> 
> ani ohev otcha- I love you


End file.
